Opuscula It isn’t easy Saying good-bye To some vendors

KERMIT THE FROG sang “It isn’t easy being green.”

If he ever tried to close out technology accounts, he would find that “being green” is the least of his worries.

 

We — my Spouse and I — are relocating.

We’re going to move closer to the grandchildren.

We have accounts for (alphabetically)

Electric
Internet
Mobile phones (2)
Water

We also are selling a car. In Florida, the plate stays with the seller, an inconvenience implemented in the 1970s.

Finally, we have to get an OK from the homeowners’ management association. (The buyers have even more association hoops to clear.)

Closing proof

In order to terminate our account with the city’s Water Department, we have to PROVE we sold the house. Present a copy of the closing papers.

Just to turn off the WATER!

What if we were leaving for our vacation home in the UP of Michigan. Seems fair; the snowbirds come south every winter. Turn off the water for “n” months. What do I have to do to prove I’m leaving town and I don’t want to chance a water pipe might break?

What is the Water Department going to demand of the buyers? ANOTHER copy of the closing?

Ridiculous.

Our homeowner’s insurance carrier also wants a copy of the closing document.

Perhaps I simply don’t want to pay for homeowner’s insurance. The house is free and clear. I am not obliged by law (so far) to have homeowner’s insurance.

People would be foolish not to have homeowner’s insurance — never mind that it fails to include flood insurance and that every time a hurricane comes ashore in Louisiana or Texas the insurers raise OUR rates in south Florida.

I thought this was 2011, not an Orwellian 1984.

Our mobile phones are with Consumer Cellular. Normally it is a “so-so” company. That’s probably the “norm” for phone companies in the 20s (2000, 2001, etc.).

The Spouse called Consumer Cellular and told Customer Service we want to cancel service on a specific date.

CSR replied: We can’t do that. You have to call us on the day you are canceling service.

Hopefully we will be able to call Consumer Cellular from the airport to get the service stopped.

Alternatively, we could just ignore bills from Consumer Cellular, but I was not brought up that way.

I may have to remember to bring a Consumer Cellular statement with us so I’ll know what to cancel — in case our phone numbers are insufficient.

One would think we were Consumer Cellular’s only customer and that our bill is in the hundreds of thousands every month. (We are not and our bill is not.)

AT&T only asks that we return a modem/router we had for internet connectivity. I’ve had the device for a number of years and, frankly, I cannot conceive of a reason AT&T would want it back. Maybe AT&T techs can salvage or scavenge parts from it.

To AT&T’s credit, it is proving pre-paid FedEx service back to a company address. It also is allowing sufficient time for one of my sons to get to a local FedEx to get the device on its way.

AT&T told my Spouse that the device could be returned by either UPS or FedEx, but it sent a document to ship via FedEx. Both work for me.

What AT&T apparently was unable to accomplish was a change of address so we will have to trust our highly unreliable and oft complained about letter carrier to get the bill forwarded.

I’ve lived all over the U.S. and I NEVER had such lousy mail service. There are days when no one on my city block gets mail — the carrier simply doesn’t deliver or collect mail and nothing can be done to replace the carrier.

Florida Power & Light, FPL, was the easiest of all to terminate.

The Spouse called FPL — I prefer email; she’s great on the phone — and asked that the power be turned off on a specific date.

FPL said no problem; the power would be turned off one (1) day after the requested date. The helpful clerk even gave my Spouse a “guesstimated” bill.

USPS The Post Office now charges for a Change of Address: US$1.05.

I’ve moved a lot and I never had to pay for a change of address. USPS is happy to bill my credit card.

Of course, the “modern” Post Office (that may or may not deliver mail, ibid.) also has a steep surcharge for Stamps By Mail. Almost like buying stamps from a vending machine (do they still have those?).

I could understand if the surcharge and the postage to get the stamps to me were about the same, but they are far from that.

We got a Change of Address form from the USPS and mailed it — postage free — at a free-standing mail box (almost an anomaly anymore, akin to corner pay phones).

If we waited for the lazy letter carrier to collect the card — the alternate carrier is great — we would be well settled in into our new residence.

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Comment on Saying good-byed

Opuscula Hurry up and wait Someone cut the fibre

 

PROGRESS, YOU HAVE TO LOVE IT.

In the "old" days of copper wires running between the Ma Bell's Central Office to the station on the desk or table, if the line was cut - or since most were strung on - what else? - telephone poles, blown down by wind or struck by lightening, the techs rushed out, found the malfunctioning wire and spliced the wire.

Then, in its wisdom, Ma Bell put the wires underground, protected from wind and, generally, lightening strikes, but still at the mercy of water, creepy-crawlies, and turkeys with backhoes.

Again, locate the wire break and repair it.

Granted, it wasn't quite that simple, but "pretty close."

Now . . .

NOW COPPER HAS BEEN replaced by fiber (or fibre) optic cable with not a few very thin optic fibers cocooned inside, but hundreds of very thin optic fibers.

Techs need the patience of Job to splice each wire with it's matching wire.

Just splicing any wire with any wire won't do.

So this afternoon I am waiting for Ma Bell's technicians to splice a fiber optic bundle - no telephone, no Internet. I do have a cell/mobile phone so I am not completely isolated, but it's pretty quiet in the neighborhood.

According to the Helpful Harriet who works in Ma Bell's tech support, typical outages are about 24 hours.

The sun is shining brightly here in southeast Florida. There is barely a gentle breeze. True, we HAD a little (by Florida standards) rain a few days ago, but "5 will get you 10" that the outage was caused by Barry the Backhoe Guy whose boss failed to check for buried phone, power, gas, and water lines. (I suppose it could be worse; what if a gas pipe had been severed or a water main broken?)

Trouble is, I'm expecting IMPORTANT CALLS AND EMAILS - really. I'm scheduled for surgery tomorrow and I need some pre-op information. My daughter, overseas, is pregnant with my twin grandsons and could go into labor at any time. Fortunately, my favorite Son-In-Law knows our cell numbers . . . I think.

We're spoiled by the Internet.

While The Spouse does a lot of business on the phone (I heartily dislike the device), we also do background stuff - researching products and prices - via the WWW. Our Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) is to research product and prices then order on-line (unless the merchant is nearby).

One thing about the severed cable, it gives me an idea of how a new born must feel when the umbilical is cut . . . alone, isolated from Mom … Mom, where are you?? I can picture Eggbert and Eggberta having a conversation on separation issues. (OK, Eggbert probably was before your time. Look him up on the WWW.)

Ma Bell's Helpful Harriet promised that we will be credited with a day and a half off the next outrageous bill. I'd rather have the service, but Helpful Harriet's repeated apologies - something you learn in CSR (Customer Service Representative) school, no doubt - and the munificent $10 credit on the next bill will have to suffice.

Progress brings complexity.

Remember when almost anyone could tune a car's engine; when a really good mechanic could listen to the motor and know not only that something was amiss, but what that something was - and what to do to fix it sans a car computer? Rare to find such a person today even in the tulles (boondocks, sticks).

Progress sometimes can really slow things down.

TO ITS CREDIT, Ma Bell had the cable spliced before dawn - maybe 15 hours after the cut. Good work.