Opuscula SUVs – not Sporty or Utilitarian

IT SEEMS MADISON AVENUE has turned every 5-door sedan into a “Sport Utility Vehicle.”

A TWO-door car is a “coupe” A FOUR-door car is a “sedan.”

The English prefer to call such vehicles a “jeep” — with a lower case “j.” Jeep, with a capital “J” is a registered trademark of (currently) Fiat-Chrysler Automobiles, a/k/a FCA.

A little jeep history can be read online.¹

Image above of Army “jeep” from Military History Now web site (http://tinyurl.com/y96pv9cv) (Source: WikiCommons)

What IS an “SUV?”

Is it a high-rise station wagon such as a Toyota Highlander (right)?

Consumer Reports2 actually called the 2008 version “overgrown station wagon.” It does have fold-down seats and can be outfitted with a roof rack, so “utility” may be allowed. But “sport”? There is nothing “sporty” about the vehicle.

Looking for an SUV with at least a “sporty” name?

How about the Porsche Macan (right)? (Is it “porsh” or “porsha”? Either way, a Porsche SUV seems an oxymoron.)

Consumer Reports finds³ that “For 2017, three 3.0-liter V6 turbo engines are offered, ranging from 340 to 400 hp, in addition to a new 2.0-liter turbo four-cylinder. Typically equipped S models land in the low-$60,000 range, and the uplevel Turbo starts at $76,000.”

A 400-horse power engine IS impressive and might prove useful at the SUV races or scooting up Pikes Peak, but the Macan’s low body and lack of either All Wheel Drive (AWD) or 4 Wheel Drive (4WD) prevents if from any off-roading.

Subaru does have several a “semi-SUVs.”

Consumer Reports⁴ opines that for the Forester (right), “Handling is nimble enough and very secure, but the Forester isn't particularly sporty to drive.” Yet the Forester, as with all Subaru sedans, has AWD and it has a higher ground clearance than most vehicles in its class, so “civilized” off-roading is possible,

The Dodge Durango (right) is, with AWD and a fairly high ground clearance, what this scrivener calls a “true” SUV. Consumer Reports⁵ writes that ”the Durango impressively blends workhorse utility with ample creature comforts. It shares its platform with the Jeep Grand Cherokee but is longer and adds a third-row seat.

The Durango is in the same class as several GM and Ford offerings.

They all are available with either AWD or 4WD, they have decent inside dimensions and, when outfitted with a roof rack and trailer hitch, are truly “utility” capable.

Of course so are what USED to be called “panel trucks,” now renamed to be “cargo vans,” albeit most cargo vans lack passenger seating and off-road capability.

I once owned a Ford Explorer with 4WD and it WAS truly an SUV. An acquaintance owns a Chevrolet Suburban, a beautiful vehicle with 4WD availability and lots of interior space, but a bit too big for following forest trails.

There are many vehicles that manufacturers claim to be SUVs. Most are redesigned station wagons that are neither sporty nor utility vehicles. Some are one &mdash the Porsche Macon is road sporty but hardly a “utility” vehicle, and who would want to take a $60,000 sedan on a drive on a forest path. The FCA Jeep (with a capital ”J”) Wrangler is suitable for off-roading but lacks the utility of its bigger relatives or even the Subarus.

Image above of 1960-era Ford LTD Country Squire station wagon (http://tinyurl.com/y9ufpqc6)

The 1960s vintage Ford LTD Country Squire wagon (above) had seats for nine (!) and "fair" interior capacity (the middle row bench seat did not fold down). It had decent ground clearance but lacked AWD/4WD but with a roof rack and trailer hitch, it was an honest "utility" vehicle.

I suppose “sport” is how each individual defines it — racing from point to point on pavement or sneaking between trees in a forest. “Utility” also is in the eye of the beholder — fold down or easily removable seats, roof racks, trailer hitches.

Bottom line for this scrivener: there are very few true “Sport (and) Utility Vehicles.

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Sources

1. “Jeep” history: http://tinyurl.com/y96pv9cv

2. Toyota Highlander: http://tinyurl.com/yaqhm2c2

3. Porsche Macan: http://tinyurl.com/yadgqx9h

4. Subaru Forester: http://tinyurl.com/yc9sn9nj

5. Dodge Durango: http://tinyurl.com/ybq7dbnx

PLAGIARISM is the act of appropriating the literary composition of another, or parts or passages of his writings, or the ideas or language of the same, and passing them off as the product of one’s own mind.

Truth is an absolute defense to defamation. Defamation is a false statement of fact. If the statement was accurate, then by definition it wasn’t defamatory.

Comments on SUVs

Opuscula Living language Defined by ignorance

I'M AN ENGLISH LANGUAGE CURMUDGEON.

Don't know how "curmudgeon" is defined? Look it up.

I am a former PRINT (as in newspaper, a local museum may have one) reporter and editor. I worked back in the day when reporters reported - vs. created - the news and slanting/"spinning" the news was limited.

Over the years I've been amused by how the language has adapted, usually by a push - perhaps a shove - from Madison Avenue.

The other day I saw an advertisement on tv for a four-door "coupe."

When did a "coupe" (two doors) become a "sedan" (4 doors).

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, a "coupe" is defined as

a 2-door automobile often seating only two persons; also : one with a tight-spaced rear seat — compare SEDAN

while "sedan" is defined as

: a car that has four doors and that has room for four or more people

I'll concede that as I was growing up, a coupe could sit more than two people but the vehicle only had two doors. The first car I remember was a 1949 maroon Ford coupe.

"Penny" for your thoughts

You are handed change and you find you have a dime, a nickel, and a penny.

But in reality. That "penny" is a "cent." America has not had true "pennies" since the Brits gave up their rule over the several colonies that later became united states. There was a time when "one red cent" was as common in American's language as the mis-named "penny."

As an aside, the term "two-bits" means 25 cents as in "two bits, four bits, six bots, a dollar." A "two-bit" anything was the Made in China version: cheap.

From the Latin

Today a "cohort" is a buddy, a fellow traveler and can be both singular and plural. In fact, however. "cohort" is an ancient Roman army unit. The United Nations of Roma Victrix describes a "cohort" as a unit that

included 6 centuriae or a total of 480 fighting men, not including officers. In addition the first cohort was double strength but with only 5 centuriae instead of the normal 6. Emphasis mine.

When something is "decimated" it is reduced by a tenth. Merriam-Webster (ibid.) states that

to select by lot and kill every tenth man

but it admits that in current usage "decimate" is taken to mean

to destroy a large number of (plants, animals, people, etc.)

When you think "decimate" think "deca"; Latin for ten

If it's free, it's for me

TV ads - the bane of the language - frequently offer me a free gift if I only will do this or that, usually spend my dollars for a product I probably don't need.

A "gift" is something given without recompense; it's "free." Ergo, "free gift" is redundant.

Calling a spade a shovel

Unlike the spade vs. shovel above - there IS a difference; one has a pointed blade (shovel) and one had a flat/straight blade (spade).

Spades are made for moving something (snow, manure, etc.) from point to point; shovels are made for digging (but often a post-hole digger or auger might be a better choice).

"Shatter" your expectations

GM's Buick will, according to the Mad Av language mavens, "shatter your expectations."

I THINK the agency types meant that the 2015 Buick will exceed the buyer's expectations.

According to Merriam-Webster online (ibid.), to "shatter" something means to

to break suddenly into many small pieces or to damage (something) very badly

Neither the transitive verb and the intransitive verb definitions for "shatter" come close to suggesting that "shattering" is a good thing. I suspect that the advertising wizards were equating "shatter the glass ceiling" (as in "breaking through") to shattering (exceeding) expectations.

There is a Buick "expectation shattering" commercial on YouTube.

Heart to heart cardiac

There's a tv ad - I love tv ads; they are such fertile ground for this curmudgeon - that tries to sell me an over-the-counter (OTC) medication for my cardiac heart health.

When I was an Air Force medic, back when Orville and Wilbur were flying their machine, I learned that cardiac was the same as heart.

Granted, a "cardiac-to-cardiac talk" seems weak when compared with a "heart-to-heart talk." While "heart" has multiple means, as in "get to the heart of the matter" among others, in the advertisement's instance, "heart" was referring to the muscle that handles blood to and from the cardio-vascular a/k/a circulatory, system, in other words, the cardiac (cardio-, cardiac).

Minutes and moments

Back in the day - and I had an unabridged that told me so - a "minute" was 60 seconds and a "moment" was 90 seconds, a minute and a half. In today's usage, a "moment" can be almost any duration; it's relative. To a child waiting for parental assistance, a "moment," even in its classical sense, can seem like an eternity.

Burglars and robbers

A person breaks into a store and makes off with the goods. The person is a "burglar"; he - or she - "burglarized" the store.

You are walking down the street, enjoying the evening air and a miscreant relieves you of your valuables, you have been "robbed" by a "robber."

The FindLaw web site defines "burglary" as

the act of entering or remaining unlawfully (as after closing to the public) in a building with intent to commit a crime (as a felony)

and "robbery" as

theft/larceny of property or money through the offender's use of physical force or fear against a victim.

The FindLaw definition for "burglary" notes that

The crime of burglary was originally defined under the common law to protect people, since there were other laws (as those defining larceny and trespass) that protected property. State laws have broadened the common-law crime. Entering at night is often no longer required and may be considered an aggravating factor. The building may be something other than a dwelling, such as a store or pharmacy. Some states (as Louisiana) have included vehicles under their burglary statute. There are degrees of burglary, and some of the usual aggravating factors are the presence of people and use of a deadly weapon.